Life lately!

Life doesn't feel lively anymore. Well, I am not really going through anything, just some changes, but adjustment feels so difficult. I really wish I could have a stable-r life. God knows if there's such a word. I think, a lot of minor inconveniences altogether feel like a major problem. For example your bra hurts, all day long, then there are mosquitos, then there's a constant job search you're doing, a bit of hunger, migraine, and the lack of good sleep, all these things together end up in frustration. I am sweet and jolly in general, but you can't expect that from me every day, all the time. Oh and I totally forgot the heat, humidity, and delayed periods. The extreme weight gain and arthritis has further worsened the condition. Speaking of life, it's great. I have healed my past traumas, I have improved my communication skills, I have good friends, supportive siblings, and an overall okay life. But still, there's some itch....some irritation I can't get rid of. Is it the lack of money? I guess it is. I feel like I am a burden on people around me and I don't bring anything to the table. But that's not entirely true. I bring smiles, stories, connection, love, and most importantly appreciation for everyone. I feel like every win should be celebrated, except mine because I don't see myself winning at anything. I want to make a ton of money, spend it on people I love and care for, buy a home that feels like peace and fresh fruits, build a business, work on poetry, write new stories, learn classical music, sing more often, cook healthy dishes, listen to other artists, and whatnot. However, all of it feels out of league, or atleast not my cup of tea for now. Life's definitely not a cakewalk, but it's worth living for. It's like an imperfect but healthy home cooked meal. Mostly Khichdi, but it is what it is. I'll have to live it, cause giving up is not an option, provided I have people who care for me. I would like to continue writing something here...hope it helps other people.

Love

Mugdha